Boundaries. What are they good for?

I've heard someone say something about boundaries have to do with self-esteem.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what self-esteem means. So let's look it up...

self-esteem (sĕlf′ĭ-stēm′) n. 1. respect for or a favorable opinion of oneself

So I take this to mean when we feel disrespected by another person, it really is a reflection of NOT respecting ourselves first.

The very act of being disrespected is a tell-tell sign that our boundaries have been crossed. From this point, we have 2 choices:

1. Say something to that person about their behavior in hopes they "see the light" and change their ways. (Which is the way most of us handle it, and NEVER works.)
2. Say NOTHING and clarify our boundaries and limits to an acceptable relationship with family, friends, co-workers, and life partners. And when situations happen, it's up to us to look at it and say to ourselves, "Am I okay with this, or do I want things to be different?" If the answer is "different," then we have to get honest and firm about our boundaries.

The second option is definitely "the road less traveled." It takes a very clear understanding of what we ultimately want and THEN believing we deserve it. Boundaries combined with esteem is a layered act of COURAGE.

As I share this insight with you, I can be honest and say option #1 is so much easier. Because that means I/ we don't have to do anything about changing the unwanted experience. It means we kick the ball to their court to change our experience for us.

The truth is, there's no POWER in putting the responsibility on them.

And option #2 is so much work! Ugh.

I'm with you. It doesn't feel fun to put on our big girl/ boy pants to claim what we want and how we want to be treated.

Maybe it's time to start looking in our closet for the adulting wardrobe and get to work.

With lots of LOVE,
Teresa

#plantingseeds #dreamsdocometrue #yourgreatnessiscalling #moveonpurpose